The New Hobbit Movie and Other Stuff

Posted by on Dec 12, 2012 in Journal | 0 comments

I was at the book store the other day and saw lots of Hobbit books and display... along with little stuffed characters from a new Hobbit movie that premieres the middle of December.  I immediately thought of Matthew... he loved the first Hobbit movie.  He used to go with his friends to the very first showing at midnight of special movies.... Continued on Wed night, Dec 12... I think.  To be honest all the days run together.  I can't keep up with the dates... the only day of the month that I'm aware of is the 17th.... the day in March that Matthew died.   Matthew died.... it's like a punch to the stomach... a shock to my brain,  my heart sinks, and I cry. It's not been a good evening.  Mama has been whining... moaning... since about 6:30 this evening.  I decided I can't take it anymore so I've come upstairs to bed... just let her walk around and moan till she finally falls asleep. I wanted to write about the new Hobbit movie.... let me start at the beginning.  Last Saturday night we went over to Rich and Ann's house.  Rich is one of Matthew's buddies.  Ann's brothers Steve and  Doug were there also.   Steve is one of Matthew's dearest and closest friends... their friendship goes back to high school even.  Steve has been such a good, good friend to Matthew. Anyway... Rich had invited us over to watch some kind of cage wrestling.  I could care less about the wrestling but I went to see Matthew's buddies.  It was sad and joyful all at the same time.  It was so good to see them. When we started to leave I heard Steve and Rich talking about getting together to go see the new Hobbit movie.  That brought back all kinds of memories of Matthew and his buddies going to midnight showings of new movies they liked. I cried all the way home... I really ached... I did. I've been busy this week planning our trip to Germany... actually Amsterdam, Bruges, the Rhine area of Germany and Berlin.  It has kept my mind busy.  I have to stay busy cause if it is quiet I start to think and I get sad... especially when I look at Matthew's picture.  So I make myself not think of him. I do think of Matthew at night when I'm in bed.  I cry every night.  I really cried last night.  Tony said he did too.  It just hits you... this wave... out of the blue... or maybe it builds and then bursts cause you can't keep the grief inside very long. Anyway... it's not been a good night... Mama... for the most part... has been easy to care for... except for the sundowner stuff where she whines and is anxious in the early evenings.  Most of the time the anxiety pill helps with that... but sometimes it takes forever for it to calm her down.   I know I've not been there for Mama emotionally.  I just don't have a lot to give.... some days are better than others.  She is well taken care of though... I only wish for such care if/when I need it when I'm much older. Just rambling... thought it might make me feel better to write some of this stuff down. Oh... one more thing that has upset me... I got out some christmas decorations... thought I would "dress" up the house a little.  But upon seeing some decorations that Matthew had made when he was in grade school... and seeing his stocking that Linda had given him years ago.... I had to put most of it back in the box.  Can't handle that.  

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